Peach Pie & Growing Pains

Have you ever struggled with something that comes easily to others? Years ago, a neighbor of mine in Kirkland, Wash., shared with me that she was learning to receive. Learning to receive? The qualifications to receive something seem pretty simple on the surface. You embrace the gift and the gift-giver with graciousness and you say thank you.

It was easy for me to dispense this advice, because as a gift-giver, that’s exactly how I want the recipient of my gifts to react. I’m not a random gift-giver or a serial re-gifter. I know each receiver of my gifts, and I invest my resources in crafting a meaningful package – sometimes bought and sometimes homemade. And what do I want in return? I simply want to know they loved it. That’s all. I never give gifts to get something in return. Gift giving is one of my love languages, so to thoroughly experience maximum pleasure, I want to hear the joy, surprise, appreciation in their voice. I want to see their eyes light up or, if they are at a distance, I want to actually imagine them opening, loving and using the gift I sent. Knowing I brightened their day is the best reward!

So imagine my confusion about a week ago when my mom revealed, “You give but you do not know how to receive.” Did I forget to say thank you for something, I wondered. What brought this on? I didn’t need to ask. Without pausing, mom shared what was on her mind.

“You cook for me. I eat it. You bring me gifts. I use them. You offer to take me to appointments. I say yes. But every time I ask what I can bring, you say you don’t need anything. When I cook, you tell me you’ve already eaten. When I try to give you something, you tell me you have everything you need. The only explanation that makes sense is that you aren’t very good at receiving,” mom said.

It’s weird to admit but mom is right. I do prefer to give than receive, mostly because I am embarrassed when I operate from a position of need. I’m terrified my friends and family will pity me or feel sorry for me. It’s less vulnerable for me to simply manage my own needs.

I’m having surgery next week, and many of my friends have offered to help me when I get home, take me to appointments, make meals or visit. It shocked me how difficult it was to accept help. Mom was right, and upon realizing this, I’ve had to give this entire conversation a lot of thought. It made me think back to my neighbor so many years ago. Had someone pointed this out to her? How did she know she needed to learn to receive better?

Just then, the phone rang. It was my friend Liberty calling to say my peach pie was in her oven baking. Every year, she donates a homemade peach pie to the school foundation auction and she makes a second gluten-free peach pie for me. Her pies are perfection and I’ve never struggled to accept this gift. But it’s one of the few gifts that I accept so cheerfully. I love that she makes this for me each year (despite the fact I have to freeze half right away so I’m not tempted to “counter nibble it” until it’s gone.)

Liberty is like family. Maybe that’s why it’s easier to excitedly and graciously receive this gift. It feels good to receive this gift – just as it does to cook, can and find gifts for her. While I don’t want to be that person who ever takes advantage of someone, I’m going to work on receiving. I liken it to growing pains.

Oh wow! Just received Lib’s response to my IG post about her pie. Confirms I’m on the right path!

I appreciate how great it feels to make something, do something or put together a special package for people who are important in my life. I guess it’s only right that I give them the same opportunity to surprise me with gifts of love and acts of service they imagined.

Peach pie

Sunday Afternoon Comfort Food

I grew up in a family that showed their love through food. My dad was an apple farmer, and mom was resourceful when it came to food. She used to pick out the bird-pecked fruit to cook with because she said the birds knew which apples were sweetest. (I don’t know if that was true but it seemed reasonable.) Mom cooked for everyone – our family, our friends, our apple customers, and the families who harvested the orchard.

Since I developed celiac, mom and I have discovered the secrets of gluten-free cooking together. One myth about a gluten-free diet is that there’s nothing we can eat. And I will admit that it seemed that way initially. The real treat of a gluten-free diet is that it includes almost every natural food on the planet, outside of some grains. While soy sauce contains gluten, that’s added in the processing; even soy beans are naturally gluten-free. Meats, dairy, vegetables, fruits, legumes, rice, fats and oils – they are all gluten-free. (Yes, when it comes to processed foods, things can get tricky.)

One of my favorite (super easy) gluten-free dishes to make on Sundays and eat throughout the week is Debra’s Gluten-free Chicken soup. Here’s what I include:

Chicken
Chicken broth (At least six cups – I make mine with water and bouillon but boxed is easier)
A half head of cabbage shredded
2 onions chopped
2 little clove sections of garlic minced
1 Tablespoon of real butter (not necessary, but everything is better with a hint of butter)
Truffle salt (regular will work, but why?)
Fresh parsley, rosemary and oregano from my garden (feel free to add whatever you have)

Throughout the week, sometimes I’ll add carrots, potatoes or noodles, but I don’t add them to my base because they don’t hold up. Same with celery. I like food that doesn’t taste like leftovers (unless it’s leftovers from an amazing restaurant, usually involving a rich sauce, or coconut milk, in which case my mouth can water just thinking about that little box of yumminess waiting for me at home.)

The other reason I tend to keep my soup base basic is because life is hard – for a lot of people. And you wouldn’t imagine how much it can make someone’s day to deliver them a container of homemade soup (and sometimes they have allergies). Soup brings comfort, warmth, and as mom knew long before I did – love. Feeding someone something wonderful is like spooning love into their insides. And who doesn’t need an extra cup of love?

Debras chicken soup

Debra Yergen – Author

Join Author Debra Yergen on a journey to explore the best parts of humanity – how we live, how we serve, how we help and how we make a difference collectively.

Still in Development

More than two decades ago, my high school English and Journalism teacher told me to write about what I know. That one comment induced what felt like a 10-year stare into space (creatively speaking). What DID I know? From the time I was little, I knew I wanted to write. I knew I wanted to eventually create characters that made the story compelling, not that merely plugged into an interesting story. I knew I wanted to elicit emotions and inspire my readers to believe that every obstacle had a lesson or a silver lining. And so, long before I knew it, I started observing and taking notes on current events, on people I knew, and some I only met. I started paying attention – to the beautiful and the not-so-beautiful aspects that made up human behavior and the circumstances we face.

But that’s not what I wrote about – at least not at first. My first book Real Life 101: Winning Secrets You Won’t Find In Class, addressed the challenges of adapting from college to the professional working world, because I did that! And then the Creating Job Security Resource Guide and the Green Light Scoring Model came next, because again, life gave me the opportunity to hone a set of skills and resources that could help others, in addition to myself. I wrote a children’s book series set in the Louisiana Bayou, because I’m a big kid at heart, and I probably always will be. And now, I’m working on The Gift of Grace fictional trilogy, that might have originally been planted by my English and Journalism teacher at West Valley High.

Does life come full circle? Ask me two decades from now. I’m still figuring it all out.

I hope you’ll join me on this journey. Feel free to comment. Hopefully I’ll make you laugh and cry along the way as we dig into the hearts of humanity, current events and the evolution of the human spirit. And you never know: share your heart, infuse kindness in your community, and find a way to inspire one person in your world – and your good deed might just end up included in the Gift of Grace fictional book series. Like life… it’s still “in development.” First blog post

Welcome to my world…

This is the post excerpt.

I hope you’ll join me on this journey. Feel free to comment. Hopefully I’ll make you laugh and cry along the way as we dig into the hearts of humanity, current events and the evolution of the human spirit. And you never know: share your heart, infuse kindness in your community, and find a way to inspire one person in your world – and your good deed might just end up included in the Gift of Grace fictional book series. Like life… it’s still “in development.”

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